teacher and student

Miscarriage - Loss of a child

Wa `alaykum as-Salam wa rahmatullah:

If a woman has a miscarriage, can it be due to bad stress, a wrong she has committed, if another is unhappy with her, if she goes to the beach even though she didn't want to ( I have been told jinn on beaches especially can harm a pregnant woman, but I don't know if this is true), or can it happen that a woman's egg or the man's sperm is just not solid enough? Because I wonder why God gives a baby and then takes it away before completion? I would really like to know what is said on this for it would ease my mind condsiderably. Thanks.

Medicine may give this or that explanation and we believe the harm of jinns and the evil eye are realities kept at bay by obedience and general and specific Dhikr; but the ultimate reason is Qadar. Allah Most High creates us and appoints lifespans. He tests us through ease and hardship {and with hardship goes ease} (94:5-6), expiating our sins and raising us in His presence. {And surely We shall try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the steadfast, Who say, when a misfortune strikes them: Lo! we belong to Allah and Lo! unto Him we are returning. Such are they on whom are blessings from their Lord, and mercy. Such are the rightly guided} (2:155-157).

Loss is about the servant's SABR and the Creator's LOVE. Allah Most High desires to love a person through their patient endurance as He said: {And Allah loves the saabirin} (3:146) and He is with them, supporting them: {Truly, Allah is with the saabirin} (2:153, 2:249, 8:46, 8:66).

The Prophet MHMD said, upon him peace, "A person may not have the high level Allah desires for them due to shortcoming in their deeds, so Allah does not stop trying them with duress which they hate, until He makes them reach it." Sahih Ibn Hibban, Musnad Abu Ya`la.

But he also said to the woman that was mad with grief, "SABR is only upon the first shock." In the 6 Books.

Time brings solace but the first shock is the test as it naturally inspires rebellion against the Divine decree.

The Believer has protection against this normal impulse as Allah Most High said: {No calamity befalls save by Allah's leave. And whosoever believes in Allah, He guides his heart} (64:11).

The beloved Friends of Allah are those who, when everyone else collapses, remain firm and clear-minded in their surrender: {and whoso follows My guidance, there shall no fear come upon them neither shall they grieve} (2:38), {Lo! verily the friends of Allah are those on whom fear comes not, nor do they grieve} (10:62).

In al-Bukhari, al-Nasa'i and Ahmad, the Prophet MHMD said, upon him peace: "Allah Glorious and Mighty says, 'There is not for My believing servant any other reward, when I seize His dearly beloved among the people of this world and s/he bears it expecting compensation, except Paradise.'"

In al-Tirmidhi, Ahmad, and others: "Whoever of my Community have two forerunners [farataan=children who died early], Allah enters them Paradise." `A'isha said, Allah be well-pleased with her, "What about a single forerunner?" The Prophet MHMDreplied, upon him peace, "And whoever has a single forerunner, you gifted woman!" She said, "And whoever has none?" He replied, "I am the forerunner of my Community. They endure nothing greater than my loss." Look how he wants everyone to reap the greatest benefit - upon him blessings and peace! {And We never sent you but as a mercy to the worlds} (21:107).

In Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi, and Ibn Majah, the Prophet MHMD said, upon him peace: "Whoever sends forth three children that never reached puberty, they will be for him [and her] a strong fortress [in the hereafter]." Abu Dharr said, "I sent forth two." The Prophet MHMD said, upon him peace, "And two." Ubay ibn Ka`b said, "I sent forth one." The Prophet MHMD said, upon him peace, "And one; but that is only [subject to SABR] at the first shock." From Ibn Mas`ud.

In the Musnad of `Abd ibn Humayd from Mu`adh, the Prophet said, upon him peace: "No two Muslims lost three children except Allah will cause the two parents to enter Paradise through the favor of His mercy toward them." They said, "What about two, Messenger of Allah?" He said, "Two also." They said, "And one?" He said, "[Even] the miscarried child will certainly drag its mother [and father, see below] with its umbilical cord to Paradise!"

The Prophet MHMD said, upon him peace, "The miscarried child will pester its glorious and mighty Lord for His entering its two parents into the Fire until it is told, 'O miscarried child that pesters its Lord! Enter your father and mother into Paradise.' Then it will drag them with its umbilical cord until it makes them enter Paradise." Ibn Majah and Abu Ya`la from `Ali.

And again, "By the One in Whose hand is my soul, truly the miscarried child will certainly drag its mother with its umbilical cord to Paradise, provided one expects recompense [for SABR]." Ibn Majah and Ahmad from Mu`adh.

And he said, upon him peace: "Your little ones are the larvas (da`aamees) of Paradise. They will meet their parents and grab them by their garments or their hands to no end other than that Allah will enter them Paradise." Sahih Muslim.

Have you ever seen such mercy and such recompense? As our teacher Dr. Samer al-Nass indicated in his latest book, _al-Tawassul_, this is a kind of wasila or "saving means" that takes effect without the slightest request, action, or even merit on the part of the beneficiaries. This is firm in the Qur'an and Sunna, wal-Hamdu lillah.

Until the Prophet MHMD said, upon him blessings and peace: "I swear that a miscarried child of mine I send forth before me is more beloved to me than [raising] a mounted knight that survives me." Ibn Majah from Abu Hurayra.

Fortitude with faith and surrender with rida - absolute acceptance - through losing a child require inordinate strength of character because SABR carries huge reward and its difficulty means even more reward. "And whoever yatasabbaru (=is racked trying to endure in patience), Allah will grant them SABR, and none was ever given a greater gift than SABR." In the Five Books. Hence the magnificent, tremendous Aya states {Verily the sabirun will receive a reward without measure} (39:10).

Hence Umm al-Darda' would say: "Those that gladly accept the Divine decree have a level in Paradise that the Shuhada' will envy them the Day of Resurrection." This, she no doubt heard from the Mouth of felicity.

Nafi` said that when Ibn `Umar's child became sick, Ibn `Umar was so changed with emotion that the people feared for his sanity in case something happened to the child. Then the child died and Ibn `Umar came out for his funeral, smiling. Asked why, he replied: "This [death] was nothing short of mercy for him and when it was decreed by Allah Most High I was pleased with it."

`Umar ibn `Abd al-`Aziz told his dying son: "I prefer for you to be in my balance of good deeds [through my SABR over your loss] than for me to be in your balance of good deeds." When `Abd al-Malik died `Umar said: "{Wealth and children are an ornament of life of the world} (18:46) and you were our best ornament! {But} today my hope is that you will be among {the perduring good deeds [which] are better in your Lord's sight for reward, and better in respect of hope} (18:46)!"

The only time Fudayl ibn `Iyad was ever seen smiling was after the death of his child and his reply to those around him was: "Allah loved something and I love what Allah loved."

Allah desires not only to raise levels but to erase sins. The Prophet MHMD said, upon him peace: "The Believer is not tried by fatigue nor illness nor anxiety nor difficulty nor harm nor distress - not even by a thorn that pricks them except Allah Most High erases some sins with it!" Al-Bukhari and Muslim.

Another time he - upon him peace - shook a tree until its leaves fell all around and said: "Troubles and pains are faster in eliminating the sins of human beings than I am in [making the leaves fall from] this tree." Musnad Abi Ya`la and Ibn Abi al-Dunya.

Source for all the above: Ibn Nasir al-Din al-Dimashqi, _Bardu al-Akbad `an Faqd al-Awlad_ ("The Solace of Livers from the Loss of Children"), ed. `Abd al-Jalil al-`Ata (Damascus: Dar al-Nu`man, 1992).

May Allah forgive us and spare us, may He deflect suffering from us without diminishing our reward - He knows best how weak He created us - and may He enter us Paradise safe and unscathed by temptation and trial.

Hajj Gibril
GF Haddad
[14 May 2003]

 



 

 

2003-05-15
latest update: Thu, 12 Feb 2009
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LuD: 2003-05-15