About Mistreating Wives*
Omar K N

Intro by Sh. Ahmad Ibn `Ajiba':
Know that marriage ( an-nikāh ) is recommended, as a general rule, and it is one of the traditions followed by the divine messengers. It is an obligation for him who fears fornication. ... The Prophet ﷺ said: "Marry: you shall multiply and I shall be proud of you before the nations, even from the stillborn." He also ﷺ said: "He who is in a position to take a wife and who does no do so is not one of us."

Further Allah (may His Majesty be exalted) said:

{ Be good companions to them / consort with them in kindness } Sura 4-19

[So man and wife should conform to the Islamic teachings of Quran and Sunnah, because it is the proven way to success, even if (naturally) there will be testing for both man and woman in marriage. and it goes without saying that both are equally accountable for their actions and they are both called to being upright, sincere, and pure ( ikhlâs ) and to the finest behaviour ( adâb ).

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ set the best example of how to treat women in various respects which the Islamic tradition has detailed in its books of marriage, and concerning her misbehaviour, he was the most clement of all. OKN]

Regarding the man who patiently puts up with the bad character of his wife, the Prophet ﷺ said that Allah (may His Majesty be exalted) would give him Ayyub's (Job's) (peace be upon him) reward; ... [1].

Anas said, "The Prophet ﷺ was the most clement of men in regards to women and children."[2]

`Abd Allah ibn Mas`ûd addressed these words to `Umar  raDiy-Allahu-anhu.gif may Allah be well-pleased with him: "Oh Commander of the believers, has no one told you that Ibrahim, Allah's friend, complained to the Lord that his wife, Sara, was doing something wrong? Allah told him in a revelation, 'Take her as she is, at least as long as you don't see in her any conduct contrary to religion.'"

Ibn Habīb said that someone had reported having heard the Prophet ﷺ state: "He who patiently endures the bad character of his wife will receive, for each day and each night [spent with her], the reward for martyrs."

Al-Sha`rânī wrote: "It is rare to find a saint ( walī ) without his having had under him a wife who mistreated him." [3]

Ibn `Ajiba: "I say that he who patiently endures the ill humor of a wife and the pain that comes from her should not be accused of either cowardice or weakness; in acting in such a manner, he is showing himself to be only clement, generous, caring, and preserving the honour. For, what power would the woman possess that would allow her to conquer the man? (Therefore) the saying, "They (the wives, women) conquer only the brave; only the cowardly conquer them." The Prophet ﷺ also said, "Only the worst among you beat their wives."



* i.e. wives who mistreat their husbands,
from Ahmad Ibn `Ajiba's Autobiography [see note 4], chapter "Regarding Women We Have Married and The Children That Have Resulted From These Marriages".
1 ... and regarding the woman who patiently puts up with the bad character of her husband, he said that she would obtain the reward of Asiya, the wife of Pharao
2 at the end of the selections from Imam Al-Ghazâli's Ihyâ
3 in his `Uhûd al muhammadiyya

4 The Autobiography (fahrasa) of:
< Ahmad Ibn `Ajiba'   at: Fons Vitae >

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latest update: Wed, 7 Jan 2009


* living Islam – Islamic Tradition *